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Life Keeps Testing You. Here's What I Finally Learned:

Part 3: Reframe Fear of Change

The first two lessons were about building your foundation:

Take Radical Responsibility taught you to stop blaming and start owning everything in your control.

Live in Abundance showed you how to shift from fear and scarcity to trust and possibility.

But here's where most people get stuck:

They take responsibility. They practice gratitude. They know there's enough for everyone. Then life asks them to actually change something. And they freeze.

Because knowing you should change and actually doing it?

Those are two very different things.

Change requires you to step into the unknown. To leave what's comfortable. To face uncertainty head-on. And that's terrifying.

This is the final lesson.

The one that makes the other two actually work. Because without this, responsibility becomes a weight you carry. And abundance becomes a nice idea you never act on.

This is about reframing the one thing that stops most people from leveling up:

Fear of change itself.

Part 3: Reframe Fear of Change

Last month, I spoke to an elderly woman after she had a knee replacement.

She was struggling with pain, but when I asked her about it she said something that stuck with me. It got me thinking for days trying to understand why.

She said:

"My pain is unbearable..."

Then she paused for a moment.

"No, wait. Let me say that again."

"Allah doesn't give you more than you can bear. But I think I'm at the upper limit"

Allah doesn't give you more than you can bear.

It's this one sentence that stuck with me. I wondered why was it resonating with me so much? A few days later I understood why. Hidden in that one sentence is something fuelled by the experience and wisdom of life.

Here's how I understand it:

It's a guiding sentence to help you navigate challenges in life.

Challenges Need Change. But Change Brings Challenges.

Every day, you choose 1 of 2 things:

  1. Staying comfortable

or

  1. Stepping towards growth.

The problem is growth brings challenges.

To overcome these challenges, you need to change. You need to surpass your current limits. But doing this brings about another challenge: Facing your fear of change. And this is scary.

Why Do We Fear Change?

We fear change because it's:

  • Uncomfortable

  • Uncertain

  • Scary

By it's very nature, change pushes you out of your comfort zone. Forcing you to do something you've never done.

This brings uncertainty. Your brain hates uncertainty.

It's a prediction engine designed to keep you alive and safe. When you don't know what to expect, this puts your brain on edge. It activates the amygdala, the fear centre in the brain.

Anxious. Stressed. And scared.

All this combines to create fear to the idea of making change. When your brain senses change, it sounds the alarm. It's beacon's are lit.

It calls Gondor for aid (Yes, that's a Lord of the Rings reference. Why? Because I'm a nerd 🤓).

All this causes you to recoil away from change. You decide it's comfortable and safe where you are.

Rebrand Your Fear Of Change

Change has been the victim of bad marketing.

To change your response to change, you need to rebrand it. You need to change how your brain and body see and feel change.

Reframe your fear of change as an opportunity for growth.

Here's 3 ideas that helped me reframe fear:

1. Experiences → Beliefs → Perception → Choice

Experiences create beliefs.

Beliefs influence perception.

Perception influences choice.

If you've had a few bad experiences with change in the past, it creates a belief that all change is bad. This creates a filter that only sees the cons of making changes, and ignore all the pros. The filter influences your choices. You make the safer choice to avoid or reduce the possibility of change.

But here's something powerful that you can do: Reframe one and it ripples through the rest of the cycle.

Reflect on an experience and reframe it. When you reframe it, you change the story. Change the story and you change the beliefs and choices as a result.

2. “Luctor et emergo”—“I struggle and emerge”

Challenges don't break us, they build us up.

I've got a really nerdy example to help me explain what I mean. Stay with me because the point will make sense at the end.

If you grew up in the 90s like me, you'll be familiar with the show Dragon Ball Z.

In the show, Goku, faces a new villain each saga. To beat the villain he needs to get pushed to his limit. It's only then that he transcends to a higher power level and beats the villain.

The best example of this is the Frieza arc.

Goku is pushed to his absolute limit trying to defeat Frieza. Everything he tries fails. But he doesn't give up. He keeps fighting. Nothing he does seems to bother Frieza.

He's beaten to the edge of defeat.

But it's only then he finds inside himself a power he never knew he had.

He transforms from bloodied and beaten to a golden-haired warrior radiating explosive energy.

He becomes the legendary Super Saiyan.

Once transformed, he's able to deal with Frieza with ease.

A bit of a dramatic example I know, but i think it helps you see challenges differently.

Each challenge you face is an opportunity to transcend your current level. To unlock something inside yourself you never thought possible.

When you see challenges like this, it changes them from something to be scared of to a chance to discover what you're capable of.

3. Fear Setting

"We suffer more often in imagination than reality"

— Seneca

Fear setting is a simple 3 step exercise that changes your fear from something intangible to something tangible that you can deal with.

In a way, It's a form of mental rehearsal. It helps prepare your brain with what to do, what to expect —and crucially— what to do when things don't go to plan. Essentially it creates clarity between your thoughts and reality by getting rid of uncertainty.

Uncertainty is what triggers the fear. Fear setting gets rid of it.

If you want to learn more about how to do fear setting, then check out this guide I've written previously

Reframe Fear of Change In a Nutshell

If I had to summarise reframing fear of change down to 3 things to remember, it would be these:

  1. Change Your Story, Change Your Life - One reframed experience creates a domino effect.

  2. You Don't Break at Your Limit—You Break Through It. - Every challenge is your body's way of saying "you're ready for the next level."

  3. Make Fear Concrete. Then Crush It. - Fear feeds on the unknown. Starve it.

These three lessons—Radical Responsibility, Living in Abundance, and Reframing Fear of Change—they're not separate. They build on each other.

Take responsibility for what you control.

Trust that there's enough for everyone.

And see change not as a threat, but as an invitation to level up.

In the last few years (since I’ve started paying more attention), these 3 powerful lessons have reshaped my life.

I've shared them with you in the hope they can help you the way they're still helping me.

P.S.

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